Dear Albus,

Today hurt. A lot.

In addition to the pain of that kick in the gut, I feel empty from spending all day trying not to cry or vomit. Please don’t feel bad. I hope things turn out okay in the end, but even if they don’t, there are certain things that will always be a staggeringly large part of who I am. 

I understand, of course; in my head it is completely, 100% logical. I don’t blame her or you for your reactions to her in the least. However, I can’t help it that I feel betrayed and broken. The wound you seared into my soul today is going to fade a little with time, but it will never heal.

I’m angry with you for that. I’m angry with you for being too prideful or insecure or something to not tell her years ago. That was your job; it wasn’t hers to ask. If for nothing else, it was your job in order to protect me. I was just a kid when I met you; you were the adult. I love my dad, you know that, but he is not a social person. He doesn’t talk to me for the most part, and when he does it’s more often than not to talk about abstract intellectual matters. He has never once invested in my soul, only in my mind. You were my father when it came to that. I trusted and loved you like my own dad; I really started to believe I could count on you. And then today happened.

I hope you understand that saying I am crushed is the most exaggerated understatement of the millennium. A little part of me hates you. That scares me, but it also amazes and empowers me.

You know better than anyone how much our friendship mattered. That’s how much it hurts. And the thing about pain is, it demands to be felt. You felt it in the first couple of days after you realized what was coming, but I don’t believe it was as horrendous for you because it wasn’t me who was doing the betraying; it was your own choices that lead us to this situation.

Despite my anger and my shock and my pain, I do love you. You have meant more to me than most people, though, and your presence in my life, however brief, will not go unnoticed.

I’m sorry that I caused trouble for you; that was never my intention.

In terms of the future, I will ask you to show her and/or talk to her about whatever correspondence we have. I’m not telling you to; in the end it’s up to you.

Before I go, I thought I’d remind you that you once asked me how I could trust people so easily and so fully. Now, the answer comes easily: today hadn’t happened yet.

I’m so sorry (well, kind of). I know this letter will hurt you if you ever read it, but that’s part of the reason I had to write it. I hope you understand. Hate me for it, for all I care, but it’s like that letter I wrote to Adam on your urging: it’s more for me than it is for the other party.

It is my dream that someday we might reconnect and once again share even the smallest piece of what we’ve shared these past few years. Until that day comes, be well, and cherish your beautiful family.

Much love,

Yang Guang

Summer Internship 2014: falling in love with the incredible people I lived and worked with in southern Arkansas. They taught me more about life than I care to admit, and I will be forever grateful for them for it. Here’s to Darcy, Alanna, Spencer, and Seth. I love you all, and I hope you stay in my life for a long, long time.

we’re jammin dude <3 LU 8th week w00t with alan of course because that’s what 8th week is for.

we’re jammin dude <3 LU 8th week w00t with alan of course because that’s what 8th week is for.

dont know why &#8230; i just love this

dont know why … i just love this

(Source: fuckyeahtattoos, via helloworldyourock)

just got back from china. ‘twas quite the experience.


China trip 2013:)

Summer 2013 Concerts I attended!

- Julia Nunes, Cabin John (Living Room Tour)

- Thompson Square, Nationals Baseball Stadium (Post-game concert)

- Keith Urban, Merriweather Post Pavilion (Light The Fuse Tour)

- Backstreet Boys, Jiffy Lube Live (In A World Like This Tour)

- Luke Bryan, Merriweather Post Pavilion (Dirt Road Diaries Tour)

Letter to My August 2014 Self

Dear Me,

Tomorrow morning Audrey starts her senior year of high school. You woke up at Sarah’s house this morning, went to church with everyone, and promised Ben, Haedyn, Benny, and Sammi that you’d take them to Cafe Rio after church next week as long as they would pay for your food. This afternoon you did your nails with Aud and Mom, and then hung out with Audrey as she got ready for school. Dad asked a knock knock joke. It went like this:

Dad: Knock knock!

You: Who’s there?

Dad: Queen.

You: Queen who?

Dad: Queen the kitchen please!

You thought it was so funny that you did it.

The me of next year (you) will have a lot more experience, knowledge, and love than I do now. You will have invested a lot of yourself in the relationships at school you really value and into the freshmen. You will have gone through another NCAA fencing and club rowing season. You will have sauntered and sung with Matt, hung out with Tahnee, Lissa, and Josie, and enjoyed the ridiculousness of Kevin, Tristan, Tony, Fanny, and Jamie. You will have spent 3 weeks exploring China with Lawrence people and 3 weeks traversing Europe with your family. You hopefully will have spent 4 weeks at an elephant internship in Arkansas. You will also do a lot of things that the me of today cannot begin to imagine.

I want to write this to you to remind you of who I am today. I am coming off a high of an incredible summer full of home, best friends, sun, and country music. The only places I went this summer were Ohio and WV. I spent almost every day with Michael, Sarah, and Audrey. I went to 6 concerts, got a lot closer to JD, learned how to build a bonfire, swam quite a few times in the river at the Lokos cabin, stole a street sign, learned how to meditate, hung out on the roof of a local high school, and went to church and Bible study every week. I spent a few evenings driving aimlessly with Audrey … windows open and country music playing soft enough for us to talk but loud enough to sing along. I tried to work on my relationship with Mom, and I started learning how to drive stick shift from Dad.

This summer I learned so much more about how undeserving I am of God’s grace, and was horrified at how content I had become with my faith. Michael and Sarah pushed me to hold myself to higher standards and showed me what it was to do that on a daily basis. I spent quite a few car rides praying out loud as well as every night before I went to bed, and not nearly enough time in the Word.

For the you who’s reading this, I don’t know exactly who you are, or where this past year has taken you, but I want you to know these things that really hit home for me this summer:

  • Audrey is the best friend you will ever have. She will be there for you always and will love you no matter what. She will need your love and your support, and you will need hers. Don’t ever forget that.
  • Quality time with Mom, Dad, and Audrey at the same time is rare. Make the most of whatever family time you do have.
  • Michael and Sarah are important to you and your faith. They are good people, and my best friends after Audrey. Make sure you don’t lose contact with them, even if you aren’t able to spend all your time with them like I did this summer.
  • God is #1. Always.

Stay safe, love a lot, live life, worship the God who saved you, and if you enjoyed this write another letter for the future you.

Katherine Alexander


so my friend amanda vlogged her way through freshman year and she made this amazing montage that I love ever so dearly.

this thing is epic. i love the gang.

The People I Love

So far I have spent my summer with my kids at camp, my sister Audrey, and my friends Michael and Sarah. I’ve done other things and I’ve hung out with other people, but those are the people that have been constants in my life.

I love them. I love them more than I can say and I feel so blessed to have them in my life. Michael and Sarah and I in particular have become sort of inseparable and it has been a beyond phenomenal experience. I hope we are able to stay this close for years to come.